One of my biggest regrets has been I have not done more with my writing. Failing to write has never been a problem, rather it has been doing something productive with my writing.
This morning, as I meditate on Psalm 116, I realize I have done something very productive with my writing… I have used it to strengthen my faith. Truly, my writing has saved my life as I reflect on the deep pit I was in even 4 months ago as compared to my present state.
When someone comes to your rescue in your deepest despair, you don’t forget that as it cements a bond between the two of you that can never be broken. One example in my life was a couple of years ago when my cat, Seminole passed away late one night. Pam was by my side not only that night, but many months following as I cried out of the deepest pain I have ever experienced. Unfortunately, I don’t see Pam that much anymore because life gets in the way yet my love for her has never faded. She will always be one of the most important people in my life.
On a broader sense, reflecting on my writing from 3-4 months ago, the deep pain I experienced strengthened my connection with Jesus. He has carried me through numerous depressions where I have literally fought him with my life. Anyone looking at me now would never believe how close I was to giving up. Even I forget how much I wanted to die. They say suicide is selfish… I was at the point where I felt my loved one’s were selfish for not respecting my (perceived) need to surrender. The enemy had me convinced if my friends truly loved me, they would allow me to ‘let go’. But they didn’t let go; and Jesus never let me go.
My writing reminds me of all this and more. I wouldn’t believe my experiences with hopelessness and desperation if it wasn’t written in my own penmanship. Yes, I have done something productive with my writing. It has been the vessel in which my life glorifies God…including giving me the life to continue glorifying him.
*from the New Living translation Psalm 116
1 I love the LORD because he hears and answers my prayers. 2 Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath! 3 Death had its hands around my throat; the terrors of the grave overtook me. I saw only trouble and sorrow. 4 Then I called on the name of the LORD: "Please, LORD, save me!" 5 How kind the LORD is! How good he is! So merciful, this God of ours! 6 The LORD protects those of childlike faith; I was facing death, and then he saved me. 7 Now I can rest again, for the LORD has been so good to me. 8 He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. 9 And so I walk in the LORD's presence as I live here on earth!
10 I believed in you, so I prayed, "I am deeply troubled, LORD." 11 In my anxiety I cried out to you, "These people are all liars!" 12 What can I offer the LORD for all he has done for me? 13 I will lift up a cup symbolizing his salvation; I will praise the LORD's name for saving me. 14 I will keep my promises to the LORD in the presence of all his people. 15 The LORD's loved ones are precious to him; it grieves him when they die.