Sunday, March 30, 2008
I fell again. I’m getting very concerned. This time was in Starbucks with Amanda. I laughed to lighten the moment but she saw my red hand. She kept asking if I was alright, and insisted on walking me to my car. We had just discussed how God keeps us humble by reminding both of us that we need Him every moment of the day. I had planned to go to the tanning booth but was scared to walk anywhere. Five hours later, anxiety stirs within as I think of ‘what could happen’ when I leave the house tomorrow. I’m truly scared. As the fear elevated, Amanda called to see if I was okay. She is so intuitive to my feelings. As we discussed the issue of me falling, she confronted my insisting I will not use a walker even though I would feel much safer with one. Amanda pointed out if my falling gets worse, my friends are going to worry when they are with me… I don’t want to put my friends through that. As if reading my mind (thinking I will just isolate, apply for disability and become a true hermit), Amanda said the enemy would love to immobilize me, preventing me from interacting with others as a testimony. She’s right. And what kind of testimony will I have if I sit home and collect disability? The right thing to do is use this as a constant reminder I need God to strengthen me every step of the way. I don’t know what he has planned for me… but then again, I don’t need to know. My job is to show others His power in my life. Perhaps this is just another season… Fall Season.