Saturday, March 29, 2008

Glimpse into the Mind of a Woman with Cerebral Palsy

Recently, I sent a self-pity blog to some friends regarding cerebral palsy and dating. I didn't want to disclose something so sensitive on my blog for personal reasons, yet I reevaluated my purpose for this blog - share my experiences in hopes of helping others with disabilities- and to fail to mention the tough stuff for the sake of pride would be doing my readers (both of them - HA!) an injustice. So here's what I shared, followed by a couple responses from friends:

I fell three times yesterday. Why am I falling in threes? Why am I falling at all? I know, I'm getting older... and that worries me. I'm afraid of losing my independence. I'm afraid of losing my ability to work. Between cerebral palsy and episodes of depression, working from home is becoming more of a need as opposed to desire. *God meets our needs so maybe working from home is in my near future. I also decided to relinquish my recent desire to be in a romantic relationship. There's a normal, single man I've recently become interested in. We've been casual friends, joking and talking freely, until this week. I couldn't talk to him, couldn't look him in the eye. Memories of childhood came back when I'd walk by some boys and one would tease the other, 'hey look, there's your girlfriend!' I'd feel so sorry for the kid being teased... he didn't want me as a girlfriend. I remember that. Talking to the normal, single guy became difficult because I felt the same pity for him... believing he doesn't want me as a girlfriend. Sad, but true. I know I have issues and should overcome these negative (albeit real) beliefs. But being in a relationship just isn't worth it for me. When I think about possible losing my independence as I age, I do think it'd be nice to have someone - but then again, that's even more reason to not pursue a relationship...

Just a glimpse into the mind of a woman with cerebral palsy...


don't limit what another man is willing to "take on", but I do think it's good that you're realistic, too. Just don't limit God-- you never know. Although I don't know why you'd ever want a "normal" man anyways... none of us are normal and we all still seem to have great fun together!
**************
Shelly, you are too young to be having these morbid fantasies of your demise... too young to give up, relinquish, and live as if you were dying. You can't see the future coming at you - but it will come one day at a time, and I guarantee there will be plenty of happiness.
it's gonna be OK... Uhhhh, and Jesus said not to worry.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Shelly,

I've been where you are. Dating was very frustrating to me in college. It was full of ups and downs. However, I was blessed.

I found Kimberly my wife. I began working full time at a rehab hospital just before we were married We have been married for almost 10 years now, and the Lord has blessed us with an 2 boys.

(Did I mention that I am in a wheelchair with CP?)

Keep trustung God. He will guide you to the desires of your heart that are in tune with His purpose for you.

Mike (handisoft@tds.net)