Thursday, June 19, 2008

You Can't Handle The Truth!

Recently, I've had one crisis after another - hard drive crashed, IPhone shattered, lost my job, lost traffic on my website, all leading to a deep clinical depression. My whole life is changing- I am in a sea of uncertainty- and friends tell me to keep the faith, God will provide, and they will pray for me. Well, that's nice of them. I have opened myself up, resisting my lifelong tendency to isolate for the sake of "God wants us in community" and "We cannot get through life's battles alone".

Yet when life gets uncomfortable and I am facing things like homelessness, disability, and wanting to die, these same advisors fade into silence, not knowing what to say... or they shut their ears because they are so overwhelmed, they don't know what to do.

I get that. So please get this: Don't blame me for isolating when you cannot handle my life! I can't be worried about overwhelming people with my issues when I am dealing with survival.

Finally, this was my response to an email telling me to take control and be determined to stay positive:

I actually had a discussion with someone about this topic earlier - while I agree no one can make us happy and we must take responsibility for our own quality of life, I have heard repeatedly we cannot do this alone, which is why God wants us in community. So I believe there is a fine balance between taking charge of your life with a positive outlook versus admittiing our need for help because life gets us down.

Just my thoughts.


Bryn said...

Sometimes people can surprise you with their love, kindness and ability to "handle things". Keep trusting your friends to care for you and God to make everything happen in his time.

Ivy said...

"you can't handle the truth". This title really says it. Shelly, I believe that friends and others in your life who have never experienced depression cannot understand how intense or overwhelming those feelings are. No matter how much you KNOW you are depressed, you still have little control over how you responde to those feelings. Because they have never experienced it, they tend to think, "just be strong and take control. you can do it. you are a strong person. you realize the problem, so now make changes to help you feel better" It isn't that easy and you and I both know it. So, I am not saying that I support you want to isolate yourself, I am simply saying I understand and will not "pretend" it is easy to just let go of the feelings and make yourself happy. I totally believe you can do it with your friends help. Most of what I believe you need right now, is understanding. Not necessarily "advice" from people who don't really get it....just friends to listen and try to cheer you up. The easiest way to change your mood to have friends just be your friend and make you laugh and make you feel loved. So, I am putting this comment out there as a fellow "depression" experiencer to help your friends who read your blogs to understand that sometimes you just need a hug and a laugh. They can't fix your depression nor are you asking them to. This is not a negative against your friends who don't understand, it is simply my way of saying...."hey I get what Shelly is feeling and it IS NOT an easy task to deal with". Feelings of depression and wanting to die take over your brain and heart. You have little to no control. No matter how much you HATE the depression, sometimes you just have to try to survive until the feelings subside. I love you Shelly. Now get your happy butt up and bake me a cake!!