Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Life is Like a Big Apple

Thou hast willed it that through labour and pain I should walk the upward way; be Thou then my fellow traveler as I go… When Thou callest me to go through the dark valley, let me not persuade myself that I know a way round.
John Baillie – Diary of Private Prayer

One of my most proudest feats was going to New York City – for the first and only time – by myself. I had read about Soho for years in Danielle Steele novels and had to explore it myself. So I went by myself, never had I called a taxi, ridden a train, or been in a huge city. But I did it because I wanted to reach a destination. Problem was I couldn’t get a cab back to Penn Station so I walked all the way back. My feet were killing me. I wanted to stop, to say “I can’t do this anymore!”, but stopping was not an option. It would do no good for me to sit in the street and wish I was home, deciding I made a mistake. I had to keep going. Of course, I made it back to Penn Station, and when I laid my head on the pillow, my feet on ice, I was proud of myself. I was glad I went because I may never have gotten the chance to explore Soho again.

My current place in life is much like New York City. I don’t want to walk anymore, I just want to be safe and secure at home. I just want to be in my own bed, my own surroundings, instead of feeling lost in this unknown territory. I want a short cut to my destination, a cab to drive me to the end. I am tired and exhausted and lonely…

But I can’t sit. I must keep moving. If I have to slow my pace, that is okay as long as I keep moving. The way back is too far from my sight now, so I can’t turn back. I must keep walking.

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