Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Give Me a Break!
CAUTION: this may not be the best entry to challenge me on... Especially today.
After participating in BSF and processing what I learned, I am back in my jammies.
This entry is going to bother some and comfort others (hopefully), yet either way, my intent is it will enlighten all who read it.
The entry I wrote this morning bothers me so much that if someone else had written it, I would be confronting them right now. Denial can be hazardous to our health. While I will not fall into a ‘victim mentality’, let’s look at some facts:
- My doctor has said I am too disabled to work and will worsen with age… she was referring to the clinical depression first and foremost, then the cerebral palsy.
- My nature is introvert… that is how I am wired.
- I’ve ‘grown up a loner’. I have never had as many close friends as I do now.
- I tire easier, have increased difficulty breathing, have more problems with proprioception, in addition to depression.
No wonder it is such a struggle for me to leave the house! I need to give myself a break because by denying effects of depression, I am not sharing lessons about my life, which is my main goal now. I have friends with clinical depression and we frequently agree the worst thing about depression is people do not realize it never goes away. Just because I was fine last week, that doesn’t mean my symptoms are gone. Brain chemistry changes.
So the thing I learned at BSF is to stop trying to be someone I am not. God has arranged everything in my life for me to stay home and write… and I have not dedicated myself to that. I am going to stay committed to the studies I am currently in, as well as serving Northland, but no more. I need to give myself a break, stop denying where I am in my life, and use my experiences to glorify God… starting with this entry.
No challenge here - I think you are becoming wiser!