Friday, September 19, 2008

Joy of Living, Not Dying

Wednesday mornings I am in a “Joy of Living” class where we are studying the book of Job. Although I have only been to one class, it isn’t as hard as going to BSF since it is located at my church. At least I know people in the foyer, and my legs weren’t hurting quite as bad so I planned to go to the class… then I finished up the homework assignment, which happened to be on depression and wanting to die. Oh, I don’t want to go to this – I don’t know these people and this topic is too close for comfort. On top of this, it was Seminole’s birthday, which had me in a somber mood. I decided not to go to class, but go on to church because 80% of my friends work there. I wanted to see them.

Well, Lori and Angelia ended up talking me into going to the class.., which was not an easy task, let me assure you! I was 20 minutes late (it took 30 minutes for them to convince me to go), and apologized for my tardiness. The women graciously said they were glad I made it.

So women are answering questions and I found myself becoming increasingly engaged in the discussion. Then the question came… “Have you ever asked God to let you die out of despair and hopelessness?” I felt the prompting of the Spirit and knew I had to speak. (I am getting to the point where I don’t even bother trying to rationalize with the Spirit’s prompting… He always wins.)

In a group of women who didn’t know me from Adam, er Eve, I told how I use to live for my cat, Seminole, and when he died, I wanted to die… and I shared how my church had a memorial service for my cat where my friends gathered to talk about Seminole (very true!) and today was Seminole’s birthday. The women were warmly listening… So I continued by disclosing how I had told God he didn’t understand the pain I was feeling, I had to PAY to kill my cat… at that moment, God reminded me I do know what you are feeling. I sent my only Son to die for you. Look at what I had to pay…

The women were crying as I concluded my story; “So whenever we do Communion, I remember the pain I felt when Seminole died, and how God willingly endured something much more painful when he sent His Son to die for me.”

It was silent for maybe 10 seconds until someone said, “That’s it! We can go home now.” (meaning there was nothing else needed to be said). A few of the ladies thanked me in the hall, saying they will never forget my story. Truly, sharing that story helped me more than anyone else… I want nothing more than to glorify Jesus with my life, and being able to share my love for Seminole in the process makes it all the better.

Email Replies:
I remember when you told me the story and how it touched me just like it did those ladies…you are such a good loving mother – you suffered the loss of a child.

You should tell those chicks about your blog - they would be impressed..... and blessed..... I am......

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