Since I watched the Florida State game on Saturday, I planned to go to church yesterday morning… but as usual, I convinced myself I could watch it online from home. After all, I’ve been ‘giving back’ during the week so I felt it would be okay. Besides, they were doing Communion and I can’t do Communion without causing a scene (shaking in the wine, breaking half the loaf of bread, etc.) . Since I would sit in the Green Room, there was nothing for me to give. I felt Jesus tell me that ‘giving’ isn’t a one time, to-do list event… we are to give whenever we can to whoever we can. So I was arguing with God all the way to church… telling Him I could’ve worshiped at home and I was ONLY going because I felt the Spirit prompting me.
After discussions about animal abuse, I literally said to two different people, “I am trying to figure out why God has me here…” The Worship Team went out while I sat in front of the monitor with my laptop. The ‘Drama Team’ couple was preparing for their skit when she asked, “Shelly, you don’t have a hair tie, do you? I need to pull my hair back so my microphone can go in my hair…”
I was so excited! “Yes! I do! Here!!!” I knew why God had me come!!! I DID have something to give! It felt so good to give… I was truly blessed.
This morning, I told Michele this story, then our discussion changed to how I don’t want my friends to help anymore… they have given me so much, paying my bills since June… Now my car insurance is about to be canceled for non-payment, and my car payment is 2 months behind. (Secretly, I am okay with this because that means I won’t be able to drive without insurance… therefore, I will have an excuse not to leave my house! I want to keep my car though.) The discussion led into me not wanting to ask for help with Communion because, well, I am always needing help! Michele told me it would help other people know when to help me because she never knows when to help for fear she will offend me.
Something clicked in my brain… just as I was so happy Alice asked me for a hair tie, because it was my pleasure to help her… Michele described feeling that way with me… wanting to help, but needs to know how.
Isn’t God AWESOME??