Wednesday, October 15, 2008

My Name is Shelly and I Have A Pride Issue

So I used money found in my washing machine and a lottery ticket to put some gas in my car to meet a close friend for coffee. A homeless woman asked me for a quarter while I was putting in my $4.19 gas purchase. I felt sorry for her, and was thankful I never had to beg. Wait a minute! That is what I am doing now! If I didn’t have my friends, I would be a homeless beggar today!

An hour later, I was asking my friend what more could I do to give back and serve. In retrospect, I guess I was asking ‘how much do I have to do to no longer be seen as a freeloader loser?’ I continued believing this is not about pride… I have mastered the pride lesson. WRONG!

I was reminded that I cannot pay back God’s grace. It is impossible, so no matter how much I give, it will not be enough. But that is what grace is about… God’s gift to us that we are to take, and in return, the gratitude we feel inspires us to give to others without keeping score. How can we keep a tally of how much we give others when God gives us so much? Is this the impetus for ‘unconditional love’?

My friend offered me money for gas – I didn’t want it… I refused… I said I didn’t need it, I’m fine… when the gas in my car would barely get me home. I would rather sit home stranded than admit I needed gas money. Maybe I still have a pride issue.

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