Friday, December 12, 2008

Serious Reality

In June 2008, my doctor placed me on permanent disability- I've been falling and my cerebral palsy makes me clumsier as I age, not to mention having major clinical depression. So I had to quit my job, applied for Social Security, and have only been surviving thinking I would get a huge retroactive check covering the months I since I applied for Disability. My church and friends have been helping me out believing once my checks start in January, I'd be fine. Well, I found out there is a 5 month waiting period and I WILL NOT receive a retroactive check. So I am screwed. This has led me into an even more severe depression where I am taking sleeping pills to 'escape'. I know that is counter-productive, yet when I think about my limited time remaining, I get all panicky and paralyzed with fear. I know God is in control... I know He has me in the palm of His hand, still I am scared... more scared than I have ever been in my life.

I asked my family if I could come live with them in Tn. until I get my feet off the ground and they said no. I could live with my brother, but he has a HUGE dog which would give my 14 year old cat a heart attack... and my cats are my kids... I only go where they are welcomed. So as of 12/31, I have no place to go. I've been having faith and praying, yet the more time passes, the harder it gets.

So that is my deal and why I am not up to socializiing right now. Sorry for such a 'downer' post...

I'll keep you posted... may be from the homeless shelter, yet I'll be in touch!

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