Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Whining, Not Winning

I am missing my ex more now than I did over a year ago when we parted! How typical, to want to know what my options are before I let go of sin. All this time, I thought I could go back to him. Now that I see things have really changed, I am missing him, missing ‘us’.

Rob thinks maybe I am afraid I will never find that ‘love’ again. I believe I am afraid to love again, which is why I only feel comfortable being friends with safe, unavailable men. The bottom line... just as I don’t understand how I have such amazing friends, I don’t understand how I can find someone who loves me again.

There. I said it. I admit it.

As for my ex, I know no matter how I tried, we couldn’t be the way we were. I am too committed to my union with Christ. He is my first priority where all my loyalty and devotion lay. This much be what it feels like to be in a committed marriage.

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