Okay, I had a little (cough) melt-down this morning. Details not needed… just know that even people with faith fall sometimes. As a friend said, “Everyone needs encouragement…”
I called one friend… one, because I have been doing so good lately, I didn’t want to tarnish my witnessing for God. I poured out my heart to her, of course- it is all about money. Not only do I need to come up with money for basics, I have to come up with funds to renew my mental health license (including the CEU courses I have yet to take), and NOW my Mac account is due for renewal $99. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
I’ve already accepted I will have to have my car repossessed (sounds evil!!) this week. I HAVE to pay rent and COBRA. Period. So I’ll be posting more stuff to sell online, etc.
I mentioned to my friend that Borders.com will publish your book, then you can sell them online… Listen in:
Me: So if I get Dillon uploaded, I could be selling it and making money by the end of the month.
Her: Okay, so what do you have to do? Is there a fee?
Me: I don’t know because as soon as I saw it, I filed it in my “follow up” folder without reading it.
Her: Well, what are you doing right now?
Me: (stammering) um, driving… (I was on my way to refill a Xanax prescription so I can sleep all day).
Her: I know it’s not easy, but what is stopping you from going home and just looking at the requirements?
Me: I don’t know.
Her: There has to be a reason. Are you afraid of failing? What are you afraid of?
Me: I DON’T KNOW!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I’m not yelling at you, I’m just mad I’ve wasted all this time… God has given me all this time and talent, and I’ve done NOTHING with it the past 7 months.
Her: Now, don’t go there… you can’t go back in time… what can you do TODAY?
Me: I want to just go home and sleep. Everything’s due…
** This went on for awhile. Finally, at the end, she agreed to pay my internet bill IF I uploaded Dillon to Borders.com TODAY. I told her don’t let me manipulate her and she said I am not manipulating her, she’ll be happy to do this.
So when we hung up, I did NOT pick up my Xanax because I had a mission to accomplish! I had to get Dillon on Borders.com.
Well, there that idea went. There is a fee… a big fee… and it doesn’t even mean your book will be in the bookstore. See: http://publish.borders.com/services/index.html
So now what? God, now what am I suppose to do??