Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Tallahassee Bottomed Jeans

Found an old pair of jeans in the back of my closet this morning. To my great surprise, they still fit! As if molded just for my body, these jeans are quite comfy, quite ‘homey’.

This familiar ‘homey’ feeling describes my weekend trip to Tallahassee. As always, the moment I got off I-10, I felt warm and peaceful… I felt ‘right’. The canopy trees, hills, hints of mountains, smiles of young students, mighty government offices, and of course, Florida State University is home for me. Paradise on earth.

Now it’s been 13 years since I moved away from the city, and I know things change, people change, and I have changed. Yet as I sat across from an integral friend in my life who still lives in Tallahassee, I realized I still fit in the mold.

It was the little things: a mutual understanding of words like, “proprioception” without needing explanation, the shared passion of advocacy, determination, understanding (and absolutely no judgment) my recent hospitalization, and the list goes on and on. I didn’t have to defend my choices. Instead, I was affirmed with statements like, “Why would/should you marry? I mean, unless you’ve changed greatly, you don’t want to have children, right?” Right!

In trying to narrow down what was so great about my trip, I can only explain it as follows: Tallahassee is where I first discovered who I am. In college, I embraced my love for writing, solitude, non-conformity, and being who I am regardless of societal influence. Living in Orlando, I’ve lost sight of my beautiful uniqueness. I’ve gotten clouded by societal influence.

But thanks to this trip, I’ve found the mold from years ago, the mold that felt so ‘homey’. You know what? It still fits.

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