The ultimate question is why talk about issues at the risk of acting out, emotional pain, and immense guilt? Why go through that? Why not let the past be past? As David prayed in Psalm 25, Lord, forget the sins of my past…
He has forgiven my sins, problem is, I haven’t forgiven myself. And the longer I try to deny and bury them, the longer Satan has a way to make me feel like a horrible person.
I have wise friends, one of which pointed out the following:
…you're letting Satan get the upper hand by convincing you that running away from your problems (in the short term) is easier than dealing with them. The thing is, you know these issues will still be there after Christmas, then they'll be back the next holiday, and the next, and the next, etc., etc., etc. You get the point. The sooner you deal with the
issues that are causing you to run the sooner God will be glorified
through those issues. I know there is nothing easy about all this,
but I also know this isn't a battle Satan needs to win. He (Satan)
knows how much you love the Lord and has pulled out all the stops to win this battle. You, with the power of the Holy Spirit and using the
tools God has provided (the pastor), are able to win not only the battle but the war as well. Running away is only extending your pain and giving Satan a continued foothold. Satan only has the power we give him. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but "when you do get through it" you will truly be set free.
I want to be free. Freedom costs… I have to pay.