The Easter holiday brought on a surge of depression. Long story short, I gave in to the despair and pain, relapsing into taking more Xanax than I needed. See, I am so OVER this Xanax addiction that I don’t want to titrate, taking months to fully be weaned off the pills. So I go 4 or 5 days without taking any Xanax, leaving me so physically sick as my body goes through intense withdrawals. I know how dangerous it is to stop cold turkey, but somehow I convince myself I am strong enough to plough through the misdirected neurochemical activity. I feel great when friends congratulate me for white knuckling through another day sober. Conversely, when I do take Xanax, I feel guilt and shame, letting people down (including myself).
But giving up Xanax is NOT like giving up cigarettes; rather, it’s much like dieting. When people tell me to throw the pills away, I want to say throw your loser boyfriend away (if they are in an abusive relationship), throw your groceries away (if they are overweight), or throw your Blackberry away (if they are workaholics).
How about some compassion, people?! Well-intentioned or not, don’t be so quick to praise and/or condemn.