Saturday, June 25, 2011

And The Walls Go Back Up

How could a friendship which was unlike any I have ever had end like all the other friendships have? And unlike the others, I fought for this one... instead of just walking away, this friend was the first I've ever pleaded to let's work it out because I needed our unique bond. I needed someone to talk to about things no one else could handle- not even my counseling peers. I needed this person to accept me for the loner i am, and sometimes, I do want to die and be with Jesus- we talked openly about stuff like that without judgement... In fact, this friend told me if I ever did commit suicide, there would be understanding as they have felt the same. This friendship allowed me to be honest and vulnerable, and without a mask.  It helped me get better, and even writing again because I knew the support I had.  That has all changed. Their side is they have deadlines and everything is fine and I worry about nothing. I would believe that if the circumstances were different... Too personal to share.  A friendship unlike the rest, ended like all the rest.  I can't reiterate that enough.  God, please let me move back to the panhandle. This place is crawling with termites, and I don't feel welcomed here anymore. Even the hospitals don't want me back. Maybe visiting Sherry next weekend would do me good. 

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