Thursday, June 23, 2011

Christian Existentialist

OH MY GOSH! I feel sooo much better compared to yesterday. Amazing! Truly unexplainable by anything but God’s grace.

I found myself incredibly sick, so sick I considered calling an ambulance! I couldn’t move because I was achy, dizzy, and somewhat numb. It was terrifying! All I could do was pray: God, I know I haven’t been speaking to you, and have not been serving you… I also know You created me, therefore, understand my heart and motives. I am so sick… I need healing, NOW please. No one can help me but YOU. Come to me, Jesus…

And He did! I soon fell asleep, and woke up this morning feeling GREAT! Not only physically fine, but emotionally rejuvenated. 

When we lose a valued friendship, it can be an unbearable pain that can make us want to stop the world so we can get off. To quote Reba, “I guess the world didn’t stop for my broken heart”.  (That was my obsessive theme song when Seminole died in 2006.)  Reflecting on my existentialist beliefs, I realize losing a relationship is part of life. We will lose most relationships, in fact. Ultimately, we are on our own. Yes, God gives us friends to accompany us during periods of our lives – some remain for longer periods than others. And while those friends walk with us, I believe we are to love and embrace them, enjoy them while we have them. Yet, hold on loosely. Forcing relationships and/or expecting relationships not to change will stunt our personal growth. Unlike many existentialists, I know I have God beside me throughout my life. Imagine individuals such as Sarte who truly believe(d) he was all alone.  Maybe that is why I feel hope again… I am reminded no matter what I lose, I will always have my Jesus. While I agree with Jean-Paul Sarte's comment below, at least Christians have faith and hope:

When I was imprisoned, I met a rather remarkable man, a Jesuit who had joined that order in the following way: As a child, his father had died leaving him in poverty. At school he was made to feel that he was accepted only for charity's sake and denied the usual pleasures. At eighteen he came to grief in a sentimental affair and then failed his military examinations. He could regard himself as a total failure, but, cleverly, took it as a sign that the religious life was the way for him. He saw the word of God there, but who can doubt that the decision was his and his alone? He could as easily have chosen to be a carpenter or a revolutionary.

As for 'despair', this simply means that we will restrict ourselves to relying only on our own will, or on the probabilities which make our action possible. If I am counting on the arrival of a friend, I presuppose that their train will be on time. But I am still among possibilities, outside my own field of action. No God, no intention, is going to alter the world to my will.

 In the end, Descartes meant the same, that we must act without hope. Sarte

1 comment:

Sherby said...

so glad you are feeling better. It is only by God's doings!!