Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Friends and Loner

6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me? 
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I look in triumph on my enemies. 8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans.”  - Psalm 118

Just as there are Bible verses asserting God created us for community, there are also verses instructing not to trust in man, put no confidence in a friend, etc. I hold on to the latter verses to assure myself I am obeying God’s Word… and to protect my heart.

I feel God convicting me this morning. He’s telling me it isn’t all or nothing; I can fully rely on God AND love people at the same time. I can put all my confidence in Him AND be in a community simultaneously. After all, Jesus fully relied on His Father, putting all his confidence in Him, and loved us so much He died for us.

Seems I am down to 3 friends now, after losing the one who knew and understood me the most. I once was well-liked in this city, actively attending a mega-church and a prominent community figure in working for people with disabilities. Now, well, I don’t belong here anymore. Everyone knows I was hospitalized for attempting suicide and said/did things to defend myself when everyone turned away. I have wanted to move back to Tallahassee since I… well, I never wanted to leave Tallahassee. I only came to Central Florida because there were paid internships here unlike Tallahassee where students work for free. Job opportunities kept me here. I have started putting steps in place to finally move back home.

But I am realizing how hard it would be to leave my friend, Jennifer. She has done so much for me, and truly has helped me survive the past 6 months. I can’t imagine not having her to call for things like – true story – getting the Q-tip cotton head out of my ear. (Yes, that really happened 2 weeks ago!). Or how she vacuumed up hundreds of termite wings from my house because I was about to vomit. Or how her husband sprayed the yard for fleas when Jireh had missed her flea medicine. And when they let me spend the night at their house with Jireh after she was vomiting from spay surgery. I don’t even want to think about how mad Jireh and Addy will be if I move them away from Jen’s family!

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you— better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. – Proverbs 27:10 

So what do I do? They easy answer would be stay close to my friend… but I thought my former friend and I would be friends forever, and look what happened! Jen has promised she will not betray my trust and she isn’t going anywhere. I told her yesterday, that’s what the other friend said so I don’t believe her.

But God reminded me this morning, Peter promised Jesus he would never deny Him. Not only did Peter deny Jesus, Jesus knew Peter would deny him and loved him anyway.

I think I have some heart-softening to do…

1 comment:

8c0cd990-a1ba-11e0-9655-000f20980440 said...

God is the only one we can hold to the highest standard of perfection. Friends will falter and some will do irreparable damage. I have been on both ends of the spectrum. Thankfully, God has continued to show me the benefits of having friendships and the blessings so many friends have brought to my life.