In the past 20 days, my heart has been crushed 3 times...by the same friend. I went against my typical pattern of 'just writing the friend off' and vulnerably exposed my heart and feelings in attempts to savage the relationship. I clearly expressed why I was upset, what I needed, and the friend reciprocated with assurance things would change. I would be thankful, happy, and felt healthy in the manner which I handled the situation, only to find the friend continuing the same pattern.
I crashed (anyone who knows my history with my relatives and former church will understand why). Was I suppose to keep being hurt indefinitely for the sake of keeping relationships? I stayed in bed contemplating relationships, how apparent it was that I am unable to keep friendships.
I had to go to a meeting with people from my new church and was introduced to several new "potential friends". I felt accepted, appreciated and thoroughly enjoyed myself. For the first time in 20 days, I forgot my heart-crushing friend. Then, from out of nowhere, someone said, "Maybe God is telling you to close the door on your old church... It's okay to move on, Shelly".
I needed to hear that. I believe those words were from God. It's time to move on. I emailed my former pastor (who I deeply respect and admire) an explanation of why I no longer attend his church (he had no idea what had happened) and his response was amazingly understanding. He is an incredible man. I owed him an explanation.
Now I can move on. Sometimes we must close the door on friendships and even churches. The great thing is there are more friendships and churches on the other side.