Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Missing My Former Church

Today I need an escape. Been writing dark poetry lately...  Saw an old friend from high school- we talked for 3 hrs! She still hangs with the guy who lived with my first crush-the child molester who was sent to prison my Senior year and remains incarcerated. I asked how he was and she said no one ever mentions him... That struck me for some reason... This guy (though ultimately sick and perverted) was the funniest person I'd ever met...still may be...he was so huge in my teenage world, and now it's as if he never existed. I wonder if he asks if anyone misses him...but who would he ask? And do they lie and say people talk about him all the time? His actions ruined his life. I kind of feel that way about my former church... my mental illness ruined the life I once knew. I was a rock star hanging with the Worship Team with a key to the building. If I would've suffered in silence, I could still go to that church and hang out with the popular crowd. But it's gone. The life I had with that church is gone. Just like the teacher from high school, it's as if I never existed. I wonder if anyone ever misses me... If I suffered in silence, I wouldn't be alive today... After time passed, I wonder if anyone would miss me? Jen would, Rob might... But would the world be as if I never existed?   

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