Let me say up front: My greatest fear is FIRE. Remember that.
After I wrote last night’s blog on panicking because Jen and Rob were both out of town for the weekend, I took my medicine and went to sleep. My phone woke me up… it was Jennifer, who just read the blog. “Are you okay? I am only 90 minutes away, Shelly… I can get in my car and be right there." I felt humbled yet silly that she was so worried about me.
I asked her my usual first question, “Am I crazy? I am having flashbacks of last winter when they were trying to send me away. I’m afraid someone is coming to get me like last year and you, nor Rob, are here to convince them I’m competent.”
She explained no one is coming to get me… I am in a safe place now, my mom is out of my life, and (her voice deepened) “if anyone TRIES to send you away, they’re gonna have to deal with me! I watched you yesterday at Thanksgiving Dinner and I saw the “Shelly” you told me you use to be… laughing, socializing… you were HAPPY.” She said it was understandable I was freaking out because my family (her) is out of town. She stressed yet again she’d come right home if I needed her. I was fine. I am learning that talking things out make me feel immensely better. We hung up and I hugged Jireh, and fell right to sleep.
Four hours later, the fire alarm in my building went off! So I, who is petrified of fire and being outside in the dark, am walking outside with my heart pounding out my chest. You could literally see my heart pumping! Do I get Addy and Jireh in the car? Do I hide under my covers? Do I take my anxiety medication? I had time to think of all this as the alarm went off FOR AN HOUR! Just like a month ago, fire trucks and cop cars swarmed my loft. I prayed… I kept praying… “God, you are with me, Jireh and Addy… I have nothing to fear".
Evidently, the same neighbor who was taken away in a straight jacket pulled the fire alarm. I saw her boyfriend walk up with another girl, then heard a HEARTWRENCHING SCREAM. She had pulled a knife on the guy and girl when they walked into the house. Cops were everywhere.
I went back to bed. I have enough drama in my life to worry about the neighbors.
So, how was your night?