Thursday, December 1, 2011

Don't Tell Me How To Handle Holidays

I can tell Christmas is nearing... I'm getting increasingly bitter and impatient. If I could focus on spending the next month on Jesus, I will be fine. I have no working TV, my dog ate my phone charger... I have a social commitment Friday and Saturday, but after that, I could meditate on God's Word for a month. I would love that! My psychiatrist told Jen not to let me isolate and Jen doesn't push me to do anything holiday related, for which I am grateful. 

I'm hypersensitive at others' comments though, and I'm afraid of what I may do, including writing people off - and I don't want to do that. Two different people really hurt me deeply and a big part of me regrets being so transparent. It'd be easy to keep my feelings to myself and go on like I am filled with holiday spirit. But I feel called to bring awareness to depression. People suffer silently all over the world. I suffered silently for most of my life. This past year has been the worst year of my life... If you want me to "just move on" or think of others this holiday instead of myself, or better yet- QUESTION my faith in God... Please move on. Save your breath. When your family disowns you after trying to institutionalize you, when you lose all your possessions running from a guy trying to have sex with your cat, when you believe you have 50 good church friends yet sleep in your car with your cat because your house has no heat, when your Chirstmas will consist of spending the day alone...THEN you can talk to me about Christmas!

I think I will go thank my dog for eating my phone charger.

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