Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Still Get Discouraged

I still have moments where I am bitter and angry. This is in response to an email asking why I was upset. I realize I sound like a brat in this, so please don't judge me. I am very happy my friend is getting an iPad - jealous too.

Too much to write in an email as to why I am mad at God. Basically, tired of not being able to work and having to go without. I'd do anything to have an iPhone, never mind a Macbook - if only to borrow to send stuff to publishers until I can get my own Macbook (mine is soooo difficult to use now). My friend is getting an iPad for Christmas and I'm happy for her but it'd be like me getting a guitar you wanted for Christmas- it wouldn't be fair because I wouldn't appreciate it like you would.

I want to work! Plus, there's an existentialist conference in March where my favorite author (the guy who turned me on to existentialism is now 80 and rarely speaks at conferences) is the keynote speaker. Registration is $560 plus travel (it's in San Francisco) so highly unlikely I'll get to go.

I'm sick of being under the mercy of my depression. I feel guilty for not being satisfied with the numerous gifts God has given me. 

Other than that, I'm fine. 

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