Sunday, January 15, 2012

Contemplative Introversion

Spending the day seeking the presence of God. Some quotes from what I'm reading:
"Expect God to answer your prayers, but stick around for the answer." - Blackaby
Don't forget what you ask God in prayer. Expect Him to answer, knowing He doesn't always give you the answer you want. Keeping a prayer journal helps you keep track of your conversations with God. Write your requests and reflect back on the list frequently to see how God is responding. You don't want to miss out on His answer, especially since His ways are much higher than ours. I write my requests every Sunday like this:
Mandi C. - health, answer to her chronic pain
Clay- work projects increasing, helping with family income.
I pray through the list daily, then review what has God has done throughout the week. 

"God will let you know what He is doing in your life when and if you need to know." - Blackaby
God doesn't owe us an explanation for what He is doing or why He is doing it. We are here as part of His ultimate plan. It's not about us, our comfort, or happiness. Dr. Steve Brown has taught me a lot about this in His book, "God, Are You There?" (He also addresses depression and Christianity refreshingly and insightfully. If you never suffer, you will be unable to relate to Jesus as He suffered.)

I'm enjoying my Sunday, isolating (except for trip to dog park) and contemplating. Well, I was until I looked at my planner and saw all the social obligations I have this week, then I felt like an elephant sat on my chest. It's things I want to do... but it's too much. I don't like planning social commitments. The pressure of knowing I have to socialize contributes to my depression. I walk my dog at 5am everyday so I don't have to smile or make eye contact with people. My brain shuts down with too much stimulation. Last week at church, I had to step out because of all the whispering, people walking in and out, coughing, babies crying, candy wrappers cracking. I was talking to God but definitely was not being Godly! I had to leave. I don't like noise. I haven't turned my TV on since mid-October. I don't like interacting with people, except for a rare few. Rob has been my best (guy) friend for years because he is an introvert. I love watching him play guitar on stage... He doesn't look at people. He looks down, and I know he is concentrating on worshipping God with all His heart. He's alone with Jesus in his own little world. I love that about him. He gets me. I never dread socializing with him because there is no pressure for small talk. I called him today when feeling overwhelmed and he reminded me I am in control of how much and with who I socialize with. I needed to hear that.

Today, I skipped church because I have a social hangover and am throughly enjoying the day with the Lord. This showed me I need to keep my New Years Resolution of being more myself- say "no" to the social invitations that misalign with the Christian I want to be so I can reserve my energy for things that take priority...Like church.

Only introverts can understand introversion. I found that out first hand. Here is the link to an excellent article on introversion:

No comments: