Sunday, August 19, 2012

Faithless



Since Jireh’s fall on Friday night, I had a horrible Saturday Googling and thinking of all things that could be wrong with her… thinking she will be dead when I wake up, all of these ridiculous, TERRIBLE images, causing severe Crohn’s attacks, depression and anxiety. Plus, my laptop has died a bit more so I did what any trusting Christian should do – take anxiety medication and sleep the day away. Of course, I am being sarcastic- I should’ve prayed and read Scripture but I didn’t. I didn’t even think of those options (shamefully). So I just slept… when I felt bad for not socializing, I texted a couple of friends, then when back to sleep. I journalled the short hour I was awake how awful life was and how I can’t deal with anymore.

I woke up this morning (actually, the middle of the night) to the smell of poop. I automatically assumed Jireh was losing control of her bowels as she was dying. When it comes to my pets a.k.a. “kids’, I’m completely insane! I looked down at Jireh sleeping beside me and realized I had fallen asleep on the sofa, of which Addy’s litter box is near. Okay, so maybe it was Addy who pooped… still, what a crappy time of life I thought. I took Jireh out in the wee hours of the night, begging her to poop, thinking something is definitely wrong with her if she does not poop… yes, she pooped yesterday morning, yet I am so paranoid she is dying that I wanted her to poop at that very moment. Jireh just wanted to go back to bed!

I’m writing this from a different state of mind, one you will realize after reading the next entry. My faith is back now and I have to ask – how do non-believers survive? How do they not worry about every aspect of life?

If you are not a Christian, know that your life can be so much better if you accept Jesus as Savior and have the Holy Spirit within you. If you are a Christian… seriously, stop right now and THANK GOD FOR YOUR FAITH! Thank God for Jesus. And pray for Jireh...

No comments: