Saturday, September 8, 2012

I Can't Write!

I made a deal with Karen – I would write all weekend and reward myself with a beach trip Monday. One of my writing resources glamorized sites where you submit an article and get quick cash. I need quick cash, so I planned on a minimal of 5 published articles, leaving money for the rest of the month with the rest going into the ‘moving to Tallahassee fund’. Seems I forgot a couple of bills when figuring my budget, which completely changed my mindset. My glass is half empty- stupid,  petty things are irritating me: I bought the wrong coffee, the Florida State game is on a channel I can’t get, plus they are playing a team I never heard of… what happened to the familiar colleges we played when I was in school? What’s up with the ACC? Penn State is on – I’m not even letting my mind go to Jerry Sandusky – turn the channel – tennis is on… why the hell is tennis on? I’ll take a shower then write. Write about what? I obviously do not have the temperament of a hopeful, joyful, woman of God today? SO I can’t write a blog… I wanna go see that movie about the writer, what’s the name of it? And who is that handsome guy in it… Bradley Cooper, that’s him. No, I can’t sit through a movie. I have this Macbook on loan – I need to write… just write!
I text a few friends, “I can’t write!” and they remind me I have a book deal. I have 8 books being released in the Spring. I have a publisher, editor, illustrator… still, that doesn’t matter to me at this moment…I can’t write!

So I sit down and write what I can,
Portrayal of a writer – some kind of scam!
Nobody knows the fool that I am…
Still, I sit down, and write what I can.

I know, know. Everyone has bad days, moments of doubt… conflicting feelings. I am being honest, transparent…open… which are qualities of a writer.

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