Friday, September 14, 2012

No Depression!

Woke up for the second day NOT feeling the weight of depression. No rhyme or reason. Just as I never know why I fall into a dangerous clinical depression, I don’t know why I feel good. Too many factors involved other than external factors. That is a major area of misunderstanding with depression – people believe external factors play a bigger part than they do. There’s a difference between being ‘happy’ and ‘not depressed’. If I go to the beach, I am usually happy, but the depression always lingers. It rarely goes away. It’s a heavy, unexplainable weight that won’t dissipate, a tiredness, anhedonia hanging on throughout the day. The intensity may waver, but the heaviness rarely leaves. I think it has been 4 years since I have been not-actively-clinically-depressed. Yesterday, I woke up not feeling depressed- colors are brighter, feelings are more intense, sensations and thoughts are clearer. Basically, life is not dreadful and I am not consumed with how much I want to be with Jesus.
This is a great feeling, and if you have never experienced clinical depression, be thankful. Don’t take a lack of depression for granted. I know I never will again.

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