Friday, June 19, 2015

Agoraphobia

Some stole the last 2 years' registration stickers off my car tags. I called the tag office to tell them I mailed in a replacement form 2 weeks ago and never received a replacement. The lady said, “Why can't you just come in and get one?".

She really didn't want to know the answer to that. I told her "thank you" and left it at that.

I am not exaggerating when I say leaving my safe apartment freaks me out like I'm going out into war and someone is going to attack me from behind bushes. Agoraphobia rules my life. Sometimes I have PTSD, Crohns, and depression in addition to the Agoraphobia! I have bowel incontinence weekly. Sounds miserable, doesn't it?

It's not as long as I can stay home and read and write all day. I'm very happy - the happiest I've ever been!
But traumatic events have taught me your closest friends and family can betray you...seriously leaving you homeless and alone.

Since my incident, I have moved to my favorite city, joined a extraordinary new church, met some awesome people in a writer's group and am establishing a couple great friendships. I write from home and do my best to keep to myself. I'm much, much better.

I spend hours upon hours reading my Bible, which gives me great comfort. God provides peace beyond understanding... especially within my locked apartment.

Leaving home is when I have major health issues. It takes everything I have to walk out my door.

So this morning is a major frustration. I went to the office only to be told I needed to file a police report. No sticker. I left my home for nothing. Now, I'm worried about driving out of town in a few weeks without a current registration sticker on my car for fear a cop will pull me over. Knowing me, I'll forget I have no registration ticket and have a panic attack when I see the flashing blue lights behind me.

Welcome to agoraphobia.

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