Monday, October 19, 2015

Choosing Quality of Life

The option to choose... that is the secret to a quality of life. Once you become able to support yourself, your life is what you make it. Don't blame your past (parents, upbringing, socioeconomic status), don't blame your present situation/circumstances... your life is determined by you, and you alone. It is that simple.

I'll share a few personal examples how I went from a poverty stricken, homeless victim of several sexual abusers, most of them admittedly my fault because as a flawed, crippled, worthless child who was constant reminded what a burden she was... that was all I knew. My childhood formed my identity. I believed I was lucky to be fed, clothed, talked to, never mind loved. I lived by beliefs such as Jesus would punish me if I messed up, I owed my life to my mother for keeping me from an institution, whoever did me a favor, I was forever indebted to them... and the preferred commerce, even at 8 years old, was sex. That was all I was good for.

Thirty years later, I still lived by these beliefs, except one major change: my personal relationship with Jesus. Faith. Faith changed my life.

Suddenly, I wasn't willing to be a whore anymore. When told my heat would only be fixed if I performed oral sex, and I had no where to go in the 20 degree weather, I prayed. God told me exchanging sex for services wasn't what he wanted for me. He wouldn't tell me where to go or what to do, but I knew the story of Abraham in Genesis who moved when instructed by the Lord.

So I moved into my car with my cat, refusing to use sex as commerce. Life was hard for months and years after, but I walked by faith.

Four years have passed. My beliefs have changed. My body is God's temple- it is sacred. It is not mine. No one touches it or abuses it any more.

I'm a child of God. People who are burdened by me or don't have time for me are still loved and forgiven by me, but my energy goes toward those who respect me and actively love me. Relatives are merely blood-connected; family is unconditional love connected.

And once you make Jesus Lord of your life, He takes care of you. There is no need to worry. Stay near to Jesus, and He will show you where to go. Just like watching a rivalry football game, it's best not to watch... don't get upset at the details. Don't waste your time or energy. Give it to God. Give problems to God. Don't worry while waiting for the final score. Use that time praising Him, helping others.

My life is the best it has ever been. My childhood never changed. The history of sexual abuse is still there. But because my faith has changed, God has given me a life better than I ever dreamed.

The secret to a self-determined quality of life is to take control and make decisions. My decision was to make Jesus Lord of my life. And I'm eternally grateful.

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