Saturday, February 17, 2018

How I am Handling Proposed Changes to the Americans with Disabilities Act

How I am handling proposed changes to the Americans with Disabilities Act.  #blogger #HandsOffMyADA #HR620 #mentalhealth
#DisabilityRightsAreCivilRights #writerslife

The Writing Therapist: Ways to Handle Opposition

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Toxic Relationships

*I am using this letter to a friend to explain my release from family drama. Just because your parents are your parents, if it is a toxic relationship, you need to let them go.

No one and nothing is worth your sanity.

By the way, there has been a lapse in my writing the past few days because of toxic relationships. By tending to toxic relationships, I have neglected the friends, work and quiet time that fulfills my quality of life.

Went to Walmart and got generic food... my fridge is full. Thank you. It's beyond comforting to look in my pantry and find food. It's like a life raft. And what you wrote to me was more poetic than anything I have ever read... it's hard wrapping my head around the fact those words are to ME from someone who means so much to me.

Hope you are getting work done. I agreed to write for a travel blog on how hotels are accommodating to people with disabilities. I need to catch up my own blogs after getting behind from crashing over the weekend. 

Relatives are calling me and I finally got to the point of being honest when they ask where I have been for 30 years. They tell me my mom always said "Shelly isn't speaking to me", so last night, I told my cousin everything. Everything. From when mom butt called me and I overheard her saying how horrible I am, to trying to commit me, to sitting there when Mikie went to punch me, to not letting me stay with my dad on his death bed. So, yes, she was right saying "Shelly isn't speaking to me". And I explained why.

And my cousin CRIED, saying she had no idea, and how have I survived. And I said I kept going back to her until New Year's Eve, when I wrote her off forever. And I have never felt freer.

I have you and wonderful people in my life. And I have never felt more loved, or healthier.

We have to let go of the past for our own sanity. And God blesses us by filling our opened heart with people who love and treat us as we deserve.

Thank you for showing me the love of Christ. I love you, and trust Jesus more than ever.

Monday, February 12, 2018

Crohn's Disease Stinks

Crohn's Disease is awful. Diagnosed 32 years ago, and I still hate it. I hate it, I hate it, I HATE IT! My Crohns impacts my small intestine (the ileum), which currently has a blockage and food cannot pass. Imagine a water hose filled with cement except for a single, miniscule pinhole. All the water back up, causing pressure, while water slowly,  continuously flows out of the pinhole.  That's me, right now. Laying around hugging my knees from the pain, wearing a diaper for the leakage.

There is no way to predict when a Crohn's attack will occur, nor how long it will last. Causes include spicy foods, lettuce, peanuts, and strangely for me, frappicinos ( I call them “crappicinios"). Surgically removing the blocked area is common, but since the blockage can impact another part of the intestine, I always refuse surgery. The small intestine is 20 feet long, so if I had the blockage removed every time I get sick, I won't have a small intestine and would need a drainage bag. You can read more information on Healthline and searching for Crohn's Disease.
For me, there is a direct correlation between stress/emotions and Crohn's. Having commitments stress me out, even commitments I want to attend.  Also, there's a few interpersonal conflicts occurring with me as I grow into my next chapter.

More soon. For now, I need a nap.

Don't forget to click on the right hand link of to donate for me to get a needed puppy to train before Jireh retires. Thank you.

Friday, February 9, 2018

Donate for Service Dog


I'd love it if you took a moment to check out my GoFundMe campaign:

Your support would mean a lot to me. Thank you so much!


New Service Dog Needed

The complex got a new Pest Control company. The last company knew not to knock on my door because of PTSD. Management is EXCELLENT understanding and accommodating my PTSD, including calling me before sending maintenance over. The knock on my door, a simple freaking knock on my door, brought back a myriad of horrific terrors. Just like that.

A single sound, smell, touch can fuel PTSD just like that. My heart is pounding out of my chest, and I can't stop catastrophising. I want Xanax. I seriously want Xanax.

My Jireh's bark is vicious, which comforts me knowing she scares people away. I am in the process of, well, I have been seriously considering setting up a GoFund me page to start raising money for a puppy golden retriever to train for after Jireh retires. Then, I had second thoughts, thinking when Jireh and Addy pass away, I will just stay in bed, writing, praying, and reading.

Before this, I contacted a breeder from my home town who I instantly connected to after seeing videos of her puppies, environment, and hearing Christian music in the background. She answered every question to my liking (tests goldens require, number of times they breed a female - I HATE WHEN PEOPLE BREED FEMALES MANY TIMES! POOR DOGS!, etc.). She truly cares for the dogs. That makes me feel like charging $1800 per puppy is reasonable. When she told me her husband is a Pastor, so she couldn't negotiate the price... I knew if God provides me the money, this family deserves the money.

So after I was just sent into A MAJOR PTSD MELTDOWN, I know I need a puppy. My vet will cover expenses (except for medications) after the puppy turns 6 mths old, which is how I afford to keep Jireh as a service dog. I will just have to pay for initial shots and get the puppy fixed. So here goes... watch how God works as I ask strangers (readers of my social media) to help me raise $2200 for a puppy who will help me keep my independence, helping me when I fall, when I have anxiety, depression, agoraphobia and even the times I get so depression, I feel I have nothing to live for. Watch God perform His miracles!

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Blessings Can Hurt

Full panic mode. Everything is coming together for me to get a Golden puppy before Christmas. I don't want to commit to living another 14 years. 

Since 1995, I have been responsible for at least one pet. I have deeply loved each and every one of them. 

They have kept me going through several suicidal phases because they needed me. No one person depends on me for survival. I've fought to survive so I could give them the best quality of life possible.

Currently, my kitty cat is eleven and my service dog is 7 1/2. My service dog accompanies me EVERYWHERE since I need her when I fall or have severe anxiety. My bond with her is beyond description. I truly forget she is a dog. She's my best friend, protector, and companion. By my calculations, she and my cat should pass away about the same time, and I am convinced I will die from a broken heart. When in a depression, I tell myself once they go to heaven, I can stay in bed until I die.

Since I have been feeling better, I started looking for a puppy golden retriever to train for after Jireh retires. 

A friend just sent me a breeder located in my childhood home town. Someone must know SOMEONE connected with this agency who can help me get a puppy. I don't just "want" a puppy, I NEED one to keep my independence and train before Jireh retires. 

I just called the the breeder/owner ... what a lovely lady! She knows other breeders who are having litters of Goldens, too. I asked her a few questions, such as testing hips, eyes, and how many litters they allow a female to have... she knows her stuff. She truly cares for the dogs. It seems the average cost of a puppy is $1800. Sounds like a lot until I consider the quality of life the puppy will bring me. I could do a GoFund me page. 

Everything is falling into place. My life is drastically improving while toxins are falling at the waste side. It's humbling. It's exciting. And it's scary. And it hurts. 

I know from experience God won't let me go to heaven before He is ready for me. All indications is that won't be for a long time.