Zoloft, Please

Went 5 days without Zoloft. Now I remember why I need it:
I think too much. Analyze to pieces.
Self- criticism & shame never ever ceases.
I judge and I nit pick when I am worse than the rest.
Distracted and graceless- tolerant at best.
Back on my meds, chemicals behave!!
Until they kick in, I stay in my cave.

Sharing Struggles

When hard times appear endless, it is human to question our relationship with God. Did I make Him mad? Has He removed His favor from me? Why isn’t He outwardly blessing me? Or, my personal favorite, how am I suppose to bring others to Christ when my life is such a mess?

In John 12:27-30, Jesus publicly proclaims his inner distress – Now my heart is troubled and what shall I say? Father, save me from this hour? God answered in an audible voice, Jesus had glorified the Father’s name. Not long after, the crowd witnessed Jesus’ crucifixion on the cross.

How can we expect to have an easy life just because we are Christians? Why do we hesitate to share our struggles in fear of ‘giving God a bad name’? God’s ways are so much higher than ours. In Hebrews 5, we see how God was indeed glorified through Jesus’ death.

7During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. 8Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered 9and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him 10and was designated by God to be high priest in the order of Melchizedek.

If we are to be like Jesus, we must be willing to die to our own ways and limited reasoning for the ultimate purpose of obedience to the Father’s will. Life as a Christian is far from trouble free, but it is simple. Just focus on following Jesus, obeying the Father’s will, denying your own comforts and desires. Let God take care of the rest.

Poem-Wooly

I miss the way it use to be,
The things you use to do me. 
The way you made the world aglow. 
The hope in just your face did show. 
My view of people you did change
Making me feel a bit less strange. 
Making me see the glass half full. 
But over my eyes was a blanket of wool. 

He Always Shows Up

I don’t set out to have a ‘religious’ blog… I don’t go out of my way to talk about God. As a writer with disabilities, I have plenty of material to share from my life. Thing is, God shows up in every part of my life. He has become so embedded in my identity that I cannot separate myself from my relationship with Him.  He always shows up.

He walks with me and He talks with me

Along life's narrow way.

He lives, He live, salvation to impart!

You ask me how I know He lives

He lives within my heart.

Last year, God spoke to me through a palm tree as a way of telling me He is always with me, I just have to look. He regularly brings palm trees (search this blog for 'palm trees) into my head along with comforting reassurance.

Yesterday, I ran into a girl I haven’t seen since May at BSF. She told me she had been thinking about me since the new year as God spoke to her through an oak tree, which made her think of my palm tree. I had shared my palm tree stories with my Bible study group, which touched her.

This morning, the woman at Starbucks drive-thru told me she had been hoping I’d come by as she just started her internship in Special Education and wanted to consult with me about transitioning students with disabilities into regular education (my area expertise in private practice). Here is a way I can use what He has given me to further His kingdom! I gave her my email address and sat in the parking lot as the sun rose outside of me, and the presence of the Son rose within me. It felt like a bouquet of roses opening up from my heart. Just then, I noticed a tree… a palm tree… with a heart shaped bottom springing vibrant palms into the sky.

Speechless,  I realized - He always shows up.