Saturday, June 30, 2012

I'll Pray For You

This is my favorite passage when people say they will pray for you and continue walking. I am in no way discounting the power of prayer, but sometimes, we need a bit more. If the person is willing to listen, tell them how they can help you. If you are the person wanting to help the depressed person, ask. "Is there anything I can do to help besides prayer?" Sometimes, all they can do is pray, and we really need to be thankful for that. We really need to be thankful if someone says they are thinking of us... we need to be thankful for whatever they can do. But try not to discount the power of prayer (as I am this morning). Prayers need to be followed by action... by whomever is praying.

James 2:14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them?15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

How Are We Today?

Medication has me so dizzy, I am walking like a sluggard - drunken sluggard- but Jireh comes first so I will take her to a local lake. I can do all things through Christ... Then, maybe, I'll finally have some social interaction. Magic Mike will definitely cheer me up! Pray hard for me, please. The thoughts in my head are scaring me. I see the psychiatrist Tuesday, and I don't want him to send me away to inpatient treatment... so I need to show him I am getting out, exercising, being productive... Please! If you have any spare time, invite me for coffee - we will take pictures so I can show him, I am not staying in bed all day.

I am fighting this. I do not belong in a mental hospital. I have too much to contribute to society. If I get through this, I promise to live in a way that points to God for the rest of my life! I am sharing too much information, but I am desperate.

Friday, June 29, 2012

Here is an Example of What to Share...

People can’t expect me to act ‘normal’ when my medications keep changing. I can’t be so hard on myself either. I’ve written all the key people out of my life within 2 weeks. Blame it on meds, blame it on sanity or clarity or just refusing to settle any longer. I want more.

So I can just stay shallow and go with the flow in society, show up when and where I have to, and focus on Jireh and Addy. Give as I can give, try to live as Christ commands and pray every night he takes me home. Stay calm in public, no one will really KNOW me anymore. I can do that. I can live like that. Fade into the background. That is my new goal.

For Those Ready to Give Up

I am going to begin blogging on here for people who are actually experiencing depression and anxiety and let them know they are not alone. I am going through a depression right now. PLEASE contact me if you feel no one understands or no one can handle the seriousness of your depression. Know you are not crazy. Know just because you wish you could die (as long as you don't intend to act on it) that doesn't mean you need to be in a hospital. It means you need to hold on until this depression passes. But if you do get to the point where you have a plan to kill yourself, you do need to seek professional help immediately. But until then, find someone to listen, to care, to love you. If you have no one, please email me. I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and a Certified Rehabilitation Counselor who understands what mental illness entails. I also have a variety of disabilities myself - Major Clinical Depression, Anxiety, Crohns Disease, Attention Deficit Disorder, Asthma, Endometriosis and Cerebral Palsy. Because I am a licensed therapist, if you share with me you have a plan to kill yourself or others, I am legally required to notify authorities. Otherwise, let's talk. I understand. I am a Christian and have only survived thus far by the grace of God. If you do not know God, I can tell you about Him and assure you He will change your life. But even people in the Bible were depressed, anxious and suicidal. God understands our feelings.

One more thing, never feel guilty for being depressed when around you have it worse than you. Currently, I have lost all my good friends due to their not being able to handle the 'burden' and 'consuming effect' of my condition. Other than those on Fb, I have no one- no emergency contact- no one. I am on the meds the doctor is giving me. People tell me I must deal with life's ups and downs. I must be weak because I can no longer handle the ups and downs. But no, I am not weak. I am strong to get up each day and fight through this beast. Things are going good, in fact... I have a job, have money for my bills, have lots of blessings, but depression doesn't always depend on external factors. For some people (like me), it is neurochemical.

This poem is for those readers with depression who feel like no none understands:

I took a shower – as a depressive, that’s MAJOR
Individuals need respect for their individual behavior.
The “individual” concept seems not to exist-
‘Going along with the crowd’s” mentality persists.
We are not the same, deep down we stray,
But few are strong enough to act this way.
Be who you are… do you know who you are
Or have you adapted to the world’s definition thus far?

Unrecognized reflection stared back at me.
It looked like an erosion of who I should be.
Bags under my eyes, tired and weary-
Who is this girl –anxious and teary?

Fighting the authentic whom the world won’t accept-
Fighting the ‘me’ – whom my family rejects.
But I can’t change, I won’t change – God’s creation I am.
I refuse to give up because of my fam!             

--- Shelly Weiss

Email me, leave a message under an alias.... do whatever it takes to reach out. You can't fight this alone. I know.

Friday, June 8, 2012

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