Saturday, October 13, 2012

Poetry from my Past

Working on poetry book... here's something I wrote in 1990:

Yesterdays and Tomorrows

A lesson I’ve learned through my journey in life,
is to leave my yesterdays’ behind.
I must look forward to all my many tomorrows’,
And the peace and joy that I’ll find.

Why dwell over my past mistakes?
It doesn’t do me any good.
Sure, I want to make the wrongs’ all right,
But probably everyone would if they could.

My tomorrows’ will be filled with yesterdays’.
Containing mistakes in which I’ll regret.
I’ll try to savor all the wonderful times,
And the painful times- I’ll forget.


Sometimes writing consists of just sitting, thinking, zoning… listening to the words sprouting from within… enjoying the euphoric high...

Friday, October 12, 2012



Forty three, the age of me. Forty three- I should be, I should be...ME.
Not who I planned, at forty three... Although I can... I'm not me, not the me I planned to be. Change, it's time. This life is mine. I'm forty three... albeit, I'm free.
Let go of lines, let go of time... Live who I am... Be who I planned.

In His Presence

I'm there...
I feel Your presence, God. I want to stay in this zone, where I sense Your leading, You're leading my pen... You're opening my mind and my heart, filling me with an urgent, desperate desire to serve You... 
Guide me, Guard me with Your pure intention.
Hold me, Heal me, You've got my attention.


Certain events snap me back into the realization that past experiences shape who we are today, even after we believe events have been buried in the past. A situation happened that would appear meaningless to everyday people. Even my close friends had to be incredibly patient and understanding when I freaked out. It's the first time I feel like I needed outside help in a very long time. 

I didn't feel safe. I had been so excited to go to Tallahassee that at the last minute, when this situation happened, I felt like I was 6 years old again. I felt unable to trust my gut, unable to make my own decisions, and pressured to go along with "the group" or else they'd be mad at me. A free ride to Tallahassee with 2 great friends and nothing to do but work on my novel! It was a no brainer.

But I didn't feel safe. So I made the decision not to go. I felt such peace once I cancelled my plans. 

I woke up feeling a Crohns attack coming on (I had terrifying night terrors about my relatives- reliving the abuse) and a text from the friend who was going to dog sit saying he is sick as well (no pun), reaffirming to me I made the right decision. 

... And that feels unbelievably empowering...